


I Haven't Forgotten You

by hotdammneron



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Angst, Death, Depression, M/M, Referenced Death, Voicemail, calls to a dead man's phone, im sorry, is a voicemail fic even a thing? this is a voicemail fic, listen this is a very fucking sad fic for me to write and then read, post-wingman, suicide implied, this is the angstiest thing i have written in my 16 years of life, wingman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 16:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7691746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotdammneron/pseuds/hotdammneron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voicemails sent to Holster's phone, following the events of the comic Wingman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Haven't Forgotten You

**Author's Note:**

> LISTEN I'm so sorry!!! I'm so sorry!!! I've never written angst!!! But I got a prompt and this was the only good way I could think of to take it!!! I'm so fuckign sad!!! I listened to like so much Nick Cave while writing this and now I'm even sadder!!! I'm so sorry 
> 
> (yell w me on tumblr @ranholts)

-Voice Message. Received: August 16th, 2015, 05:23am. From: Jay-  
“Hey, it’s me. God, Holtzy, I miss you. There was that shit a while back, where I thought you were here again, just for a few days. Even if you were more stressful than usual and had those big-ass wings. I was gonna do it, you know? I was gonna fucking do it, but you stopped me, somehow. Still not sure how you managed to do that, because, fuck. You’re dead, Holster. “

-Voice Message. Received: August 27th, 2015, 02:43am. From: Jay-  
“Hey, it’s me. This fucking sucks, dude. It really fucking does. You’re dead. Sorry for being crass and all that, but if I put it out there bluntly it feels easier. I started therapy, it’s not helping much. Y’know, I always thought you would be a good therapist, but like, only for me. You kind of were.”

-Voice Message. Received: September 1st, 2015, 03:30am. From: Jay-  
“Hey. I put in my notice at the station yesterday. Got to be too much, right? Going around every day, seeing places just like that one. Doing the right thing. But still, it fucking hurts to do that kind of the ‘right thing’ anymore. I miss you.”

-Voice Message. Received: September 19th, 2015, 05:34am. From: Jay-  
“I don’t know why I keep leaving these. The messages, I mean. It’s not like you can hear them, right? Right? I guess it’s some of that stages of grieving stuff, trying to keep that connection to you. Something like that. I made dinner, and didn’t even think before serving some for you. I guess I’m stuck in the past. It’s not that I, like, forget you’re gone, or anything. It just doesn’t seem real.”

-Voice Message. Received: October 9th, 2015, 11:32pm. From: Jay-  
“The boys are going out tomorrow, for Chow’s birthday. The kid’s turning 22, fuckin’ wild, huh? I might tag along, who knows. I’d definitely go if you were around, but that kind of shit’s just not as good without you there. Fuck, I miss you.”

-Voice Message. Received: October 11th, 2015, 12:23am. From: Jay-  
“I went out. Went home early. I’ve got a job interview, early tomorrow, so. Up at the university, they’re looking for a bio lab supervisor. I’ve got the creds, so why not? Wish me luck, bro. Uh. Nevermind.”

-Voice Message. Received: October 17th, 2015, 03:15pm. From: Jay-  
“Got the job. Starts next month. I’m gonna be so fuckin’ busy, Holtzy, it’s gonna be a new start, or some shit. That’s what people keep saying, at least.”

-Voice Message. Received: October 20th, 2015, 06:32am. From: Jay-  
“I don’t think anyone really gets it, dude. Everyone says they do, it’s all gentle back pats and apologetic looks and saying that they get it, but they don’t. It’s been six months, Holster, and I’m not fucking over it, and I can tell everyone wants me to be, even if they won’t admit it. Like, oh, look at Jay, still stuck in the past. Wouldn’t that be easier? If I could just forget you, forget how much I miss you? God, I could never.”

-Voice Message. Received: October 28th, 2015, 05:50am. From: Jay-  
“It’s almost Halloween, but you probably know that. If you’re watching over me, some kind of guardian angel shit, or whatever, you’ve gotta know that. Remember our costume last year, Holtzy? That was a good one. I miss you.”

-Voice Message. Received: October 31st, 2015, 10:00pm. From: Jay-  
“Happy Halloween, Holster. Love you. I handed out candy, as usual, it was fun, I guess. There were some good costumes tonight, dude, you would’ve loved them. I know I did, but you always liked kids more than I did. God, it feels wrong to refer to you in the past tense, huh? And yeah, I love you. More than I’ve loved anything, or anyone, and fuck, it hurts.”

-Voice Message. Received: November 13th, 2015, 07:20am. From: Jay-  
“Your mom invited me up for Thanksgiving, but I don’t know if I could take that. Spending time in a mourning house full of other Birkholtzes. I think that might hurt too much. Maybe it’d be good, who knows? I appreciate the offer. We’ll see.”

-Voice Message. Received: November 29th, 2015, 11:42am. From: Jay-  
“I miss you.”

-Voice Message. Received: December 8th, 2015, 02:34am. From: Jay-  
“Hey, Holster. God, your inbox is probably full as all hell, but I can’t bring myself to stop calling. It just kills me though, hearing your voicemail message. Y’know I can almost hear you smiling, that dumb big smile of yours. I miss you. Y’know, any other year I’d probably be nagging you about what you’re getting me for Christmas right about now? I guess I got you a phone full of voicemails and a messy apartment. Fuck. I miss you.” 

-Voice Message. Received: December 25th, 2015, 12:02am. From: Jay-  
“Merry Christmas, Holtzy. I’m at my parents house, up in Boston, just for a few days. I think they’re worried about me, understandably. I wish you were here, or I wish I could forget you, or I wish that you weren’t fucking dead. I guess that’s most of it. Anyway, merry Christmas, I hope you’re having a fuckin’ killer party up there, with like, Jesus and all that shit. I love you.”

-Voice Message. Received: December 25th, 2015, 12:24am. From: Jay-  
“Sometimes I wish I was gone too, and doesn’t that fucking suck?”

-Voice Message. Received: January 1st, 2016, 12:00am. From: Jay-  
“Happy New Year, dude. If you were here, I’d kiss you right now. Would you be okay with that? Maybe. Probably. Who fuckin’ knows. 2016, huh? I’ll make it a good one for you, Holtzy.”

-Voice Message. Received: February 16th, 2016, 4:26am. From: Jay-  
“I haven’t forgotten about you. I never could.”

End of Voicemail.


End file.
